clicketysplit
03-21-2010, 01:30 PM
Calgary's Rocky Mountain Honda - A Semi-Fictional Account....
I've written a few times about how Honda Canada is pulling their license from all of the mom-and-pop dealerships in Canada, and consolidating into Honda "mega-stores" in Canadian cities. In Calgary, a city of 1.2 million people, I had heard that they'd opened their mega store on the far southern edge of town. As far as I was concerned this was like hearing about the untouched tribes of Papua New Guinea. Interesting certainly, but so far away, remote and inaccessible that I thought I might never visit.
Well, I found myself in need of some touch-up paint, and wanted to check out the new VFR, so yesterday I decided I would make the trek across town. So, I loaded up some pemmican and beef-jerky, my #12 cast iron frying pan, rain gear, sleeping bag and tent, extra jerry can of fuel, and a fully charged iPod, and began my journey. I'm not saying it's a long ways, I'm saying you need to be prepared for a full-on Canadian excursion to get to this place! I live sortof midtown, and it still took me an HOUR to get there on a Saturday afternoon. The location alone has effectively alienated the half a million people or so who live on the north side of our city.
Eventually, I could see the place from the main drag, but actually getting INTO the place was an adventure in and of itself. From what I can tell the only access is down a service road, no bigger than a back alley that runs behind a Tim Hortons Coffee Shop, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Bottle Depot. So, after spending about 5 minutes dodging caffeine-riddled, extra-crispy drumstick wielding hobos pushing shopping carts full of empty 3 liter plastic wine jugs, I finally found my way to the 'parking lot' -- which was conveniently about 1 inch deep with pea-gravel, presumably to give one extra traction in Calgary's frigid winter.
Upon entering the store, I was not greeted by a human, nor by Asimov (which I was secretly hoping for), but instead found myself pushed up against a phalanx of CBR 125 R's. I counted 25, but then lost track, as the long row trailed off into a thicket of red dirtbikes. Ironically many of the scooter-like 125's had "SOLD" stickers on them already, which strikes me as a bit strange. Why would someone pay $4000 for a brand new one, when they can find a barely used 1-year-old one on Craigslist for less than half the price -- being sold by someone who's bored with theirs already?
Anyway, I wandered around a bit. The place was a bit of a gong-show, in one row I looked at a new CBR1000RR, a Shadow, some dirtbike, and a couple of used Interceptors. They were stacked neatly against each other --- so closely as to prohibit any opportunity to actually sit on one or get a side view. Which is just as well, as I'd forgotten to unlatch my cast iron frying pan, and accidentally provided a nice tank ding to some 14 thousand dollar cruiser. Sheepishly, I moved away from the bikes and into the 'gear' section.
I was greeted timidly by a very cute, very young, pretty little thing with silken dark hair and some freckles on her nose -- she could not have been more than 17 years old. I nodded approvingly at her white 'honda' baby-t-shirt, letting my eyes linger perhaps slightly too long at the "H" and the "A" of the Honda namesake. No matter. Summoning all of my Dianese-wearing coolness, I asked if they had any Speed and Strength product. To my surprise, and astonishment they actually DID have some SS gear -- about 15 women's style jackets, and only 3 men's jackets. They did not however have the SS helmets or other gear -- I told the nubile young girl that I fancied a Speed and Strength hat (to cover my bald spot of course, which I hoped she hadn't noticed), but alas, so far this is all the stock they were planning on getting in. I thanked her and moved on to the parts desk.
The whole point of my trip was to try to find some Honda touch-up paint. I patiently waited my turn in line and politely asked the chubby man behind the desk if they might wish to provide me some black Honda touch-up paint. "No," he replied crustily, and not a little disdainfully, "Honda does not sell touch-up paint in Canada." He answered me as if I had just asked him to please give me a blow-job or something. He informed me that if I wanted I could 'google' it, and probably order some from the US or Color-rite out of Quebec. Having been thoroughly cock-blocked, I decided to wander a bit more, and see if I could find out anything about the new VFR.
Eventually I got the attention of a very clean-cut, altogether too chipper young fellow, and inquired as to when they expected the new VFR to show up. "They're in Edmonton now," he replied, grinning broadly, "getting their new Canadian French/English stickers." I nodded in a bi-lingual way. "They'll be here next week!" I was already calculating how I could afford the gas money to get back down to the dealership next weekend, perhaps robbing one those hobos I saw on my way in.... but the young fellow interrupted me with "but, we're only bringing 3 in this year, and they're already sold." I staggered backwards into a woman in exceedingly tight, acid-washed jeans trying to try on a pair of Joe Rocket boots while standing up... "Wha... wha...?" I said breathlessly. "Wh...Who... would buy a motorcycle that they haven't even had the opportunity to SIT on, let alone ride?" I asked. With a shrug and a smug grin that I've seen only in a certain Tim Burton movie starring Johnny Depp (Alice in Wonderland, in case you're confused) he turned away with this parting comment: "They're only available in Red. Silver in the US, white in Europe." My stunned look of total Honda disillusionment gave him the opportunity to go help a bearded man who was intently interested in the CB1000F... and so, disentangling myself from the nest of ST's and V-Stroms I finally found myself in, I stumbled from the store.
I breathed deep the fresh mountain air, tinged slightly with the smell of KFC and empty liquor bottles, and spied my lovely 599 a few yards away. I recalled in an instant a time when Honda Canada had some sense, some heart, some desirability and vowed with only God and a few Honda employees as my witnesses, I would never set foot in that store again -- unless of course I needed a baby t-shirt from the lolita-like babe in the gear department, of course.
As I began to repack my camping gear, and put on my gloves I was encountered by an older couple walking their Pomeranian (why they would choose to walk the dog behind the KFC is a question I just don't even want to know the answer to). The Pomeranian had an intense interest in my rear tire. I eyed him warily as I smiled a little too forcefully at the older couple. Before he opened his mouth I knew what the old codger was about to say: "What kind of bike is that?"... and at that moment the Pom lifted his leg...
*sigh*
I've written a few times about how Honda Canada is pulling their license from all of the mom-and-pop dealerships in Canada, and consolidating into Honda "mega-stores" in Canadian cities. In Calgary, a city of 1.2 million people, I had heard that they'd opened their mega store on the far southern edge of town. As far as I was concerned this was like hearing about the untouched tribes of Papua New Guinea. Interesting certainly, but so far away, remote and inaccessible that I thought I might never visit.
Well, I found myself in need of some touch-up paint, and wanted to check out the new VFR, so yesterday I decided I would make the trek across town. So, I loaded up some pemmican and beef-jerky, my #12 cast iron frying pan, rain gear, sleeping bag and tent, extra jerry can of fuel, and a fully charged iPod, and began my journey. I'm not saying it's a long ways, I'm saying you need to be prepared for a full-on Canadian excursion to get to this place! I live sortof midtown, and it still took me an HOUR to get there on a Saturday afternoon. The location alone has effectively alienated the half a million people or so who live on the north side of our city.
Eventually, I could see the place from the main drag, but actually getting INTO the place was an adventure in and of itself. From what I can tell the only access is down a service road, no bigger than a back alley that runs behind a Tim Hortons Coffee Shop, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Bottle Depot. So, after spending about 5 minutes dodging caffeine-riddled, extra-crispy drumstick wielding hobos pushing shopping carts full of empty 3 liter plastic wine jugs, I finally found my way to the 'parking lot' -- which was conveniently about 1 inch deep with pea-gravel, presumably to give one extra traction in Calgary's frigid winter.
Upon entering the store, I was not greeted by a human, nor by Asimov (which I was secretly hoping for), but instead found myself pushed up against a phalanx of CBR 125 R's. I counted 25, but then lost track, as the long row trailed off into a thicket of red dirtbikes. Ironically many of the scooter-like 125's had "SOLD" stickers on them already, which strikes me as a bit strange. Why would someone pay $4000 for a brand new one, when they can find a barely used 1-year-old one on Craigslist for less than half the price -- being sold by someone who's bored with theirs already?
Anyway, I wandered around a bit. The place was a bit of a gong-show, in one row I looked at a new CBR1000RR, a Shadow, some dirtbike, and a couple of used Interceptors. They were stacked neatly against each other --- so closely as to prohibit any opportunity to actually sit on one or get a side view. Which is just as well, as I'd forgotten to unlatch my cast iron frying pan, and accidentally provided a nice tank ding to some 14 thousand dollar cruiser. Sheepishly, I moved away from the bikes and into the 'gear' section.
I was greeted timidly by a very cute, very young, pretty little thing with silken dark hair and some freckles on her nose -- she could not have been more than 17 years old. I nodded approvingly at her white 'honda' baby-t-shirt, letting my eyes linger perhaps slightly too long at the "H" and the "A" of the Honda namesake. No matter. Summoning all of my Dianese-wearing coolness, I asked if they had any Speed and Strength product. To my surprise, and astonishment they actually DID have some SS gear -- about 15 women's style jackets, and only 3 men's jackets. They did not however have the SS helmets or other gear -- I told the nubile young girl that I fancied a Speed and Strength hat (to cover my bald spot of course, which I hoped she hadn't noticed), but alas, so far this is all the stock they were planning on getting in. I thanked her and moved on to the parts desk.
The whole point of my trip was to try to find some Honda touch-up paint. I patiently waited my turn in line and politely asked the chubby man behind the desk if they might wish to provide me some black Honda touch-up paint. "No," he replied crustily, and not a little disdainfully, "Honda does not sell touch-up paint in Canada." He answered me as if I had just asked him to please give me a blow-job or something. He informed me that if I wanted I could 'google' it, and probably order some from the US or Color-rite out of Quebec. Having been thoroughly cock-blocked, I decided to wander a bit more, and see if I could find out anything about the new VFR.
Eventually I got the attention of a very clean-cut, altogether too chipper young fellow, and inquired as to when they expected the new VFR to show up. "They're in Edmonton now," he replied, grinning broadly, "getting their new Canadian French/English stickers." I nodded in a bi-lingual way. "They'll be here next week!" I was already calculating how I could afford the gas money to get back down to the dealership next weekend, perhaps robbing one those hobos I saw on my way in.... but the young fellow interrupted me with "but, we're only bringing 3 in this year, and they're already sold." I staggered backwards into a woman in exceedingly tight, acid-washed jeans trying to try on a pair of Joe Rocket boots while standing up... "Wha... wha...?" I said breathlessly. "Wh...Who... would buy a motorcycle that they haven't even had the opportunity to SIT on, let alone ride?" I asked. With a shrug and a smug grin that I've seen only in a certain Tim Burton movie starring Johnny Depp (Alice in Wonderland, in case you're confused) he turned away with this parting comment: "They're only available in Red. Silver in the US, white in Europe." My stunned look of total Honda disillusionment gave him the opportunity to go help a bearded man who was intently interested in the CB1000F... and so, disentangling myself from the nest of ST's and V-Stroms I finally found myself in, I stumbled from the store.
I breathed deep the fresh mountain air, tinged slightly with the smell of KFC and empty liquor bottles, and spied my lovely 599 a few yards away. I recalled in an instant a time when Honda Canada had some sense, some heart, some desirability and vowed with only God and a few Honda employees as my witnesses, I would never set foot in that store again -- unless of course I needed a baby t-shirt from the lolita-like babe in the gear department, of course.
As I began to repack my camping gear, and put on my gloves I was encountered by an older couple walking their Pomeranian (why they would choose to walk the dog behind the KFC is a question I just don't even want to know the answer to). The Pomeranian had an intense interest in my rear tire. I eyed him warily as I smiled a little too forcefully at the older couple. Before he opened his mouth I knew what the old codger was about to say: "What kind of bike is that?"... and at that moment the Pom lifted his leg...
*sigh*